Thaoism: Shit happens.
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Confucianism: Confucious Say, Shit happens.
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Jehovas witness: Knock, Knock. "Shit happens"
Atheism: There is no shit.
Agnosticism: I don't know whether shit happens.
Protestantism: Shit won't happen if I work harder.
Catolicism: If shit happens, I deserved it.
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?